Flu

So I have been sick for the last 3 days. It's starting to wear me out. I tried to walk today and I almost fell over. Ugh. I have being sick more than I hate other parts of my life. And I really don't have time to be sick. It especially hurts my morning classes because I feel worst in the morning. Luckily monday night I made it to my class because I had a test. I'm doing better in that class than I originally thought. But anyways, I hope I heal soon. But now I have to go take care of the faker, my brother. Who stayed up too late last night and decided he was gonna stay home.

Halloween

So we had a little party last night and watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Broke three new people into the cult. I don't know if they are true believers yet. I don't know yet what I am going to do about Halloween. But this year is a good year. It should be great.

Status Quo No More

So peoples... I'm in love with Lizzy.

A New Day

So I have a new woman in my life. Lizzy. For all those who are behind on my life, Christy and I called our friendship off on September 11th. However we did run into each other after a month. We are skittish of each other and barely talked after that. The feelings and the wounds run too deep I guess. She hardly forgives and I finally am holding a grudge. I do miss her and she owns a piece of my heart to this day.
Onto Lizzy. She is an amazing woman and goes to BYU. I met her 4 days after my fiasco with Christy and we have been dating for 4 weeks. We've been a couple for 2 weeks. It is so nice. We are inseperable. But I love her deeply. We are so different but we are so good to one another. I hope that we last. That is my fear because I have never had a relationship last longer than 3 months. So we shall see. We are going to California together so it should be a lot of fun. I just hope my family is as warm to her as they were to Christy...

End of April

So another month has come and gone. But more importantly, another semester has come and gone. This was definitely a lot harder than the last one and you remember all the drama I had in that one. It was horrible. But this one, takes the cake. Working almost full time, 18 credits at school, and my extreme personal life with Christy, tooks it's toll on me. The ashes are finally settling: Christy and I are trying to repair our friendship; I failed one, two, or three classes, I don't know yet (1 for sure); Courtney and I are talking pretty regularly; Hailey has disappeared; My dad has had some pretty interesting financial battles; and I have finally seen that I must prepare my life and get as much done with it before Iraq (Iran) again. Yes, and I'm buying a XBox 360 and a PSP. I need to get things rolling and my personal happiness is on the line.

The summer has begun and I hope everyone has a good time. Perhaps we should all hang out again, just like we used to...

Tension

So for me, tension is rising. I have few regular friends and I'm starting to get the same dreams and feelings that I felt in early 2003. For me, that means the war drums are beating again. So I look to the middle east and the news is, IRAN TELLS U.N. THAT THEY WILL CONTINUE TO ENRICH URANIUM. Mmmm... So I may return to the Middle East sooner than I thought. And the way my life is turning, I might even welcome it. With the loss of Christy, I don't have much I wish to do anymore, and $30,000+ in my pocket, living off of the government. Downside is, life and death again. Oh dear. Tomorrow is my last day of school. Joyus day for me. 3 months without school (maybe even more).
But... Nobody worry. Nothing in stone yet.

A Little Story

Christy and I have ended our friendship of more than a year has ended. It seems that once I pass the year mark anymore, the friendship ends. But we were more than friends since she went to California with me for Thanksgiving. We were so close, too close. We were totally wrapped up in one another's lives. We spent so much time together. So now it is going to be especially hard because there is a gaping hole in my heart. I was afraid that she was drifting away from me and in my arrogance, I pushed her to spend more time with me and then when I confronted her, I didn't do it gently, I accused her. And now I have pushed her away forever. Another loss in the long line of my life. Goodbye Christy.

Goodbye Cruel World

Is this the end? I haven't decided yet. I think my life as I know it is over. New book. Time to start over.

Upcoming Summer

I don't know how this summer is going to be. Last year I had so many people to hang out with, but now it is different. My best friend and I are going through a rough patch. I told her last night that I want more from her than friendship. She pretty much implied there wasn't a chance in Hades. I respect that decision except I don't think it is true. We've had an ongoing Love Affair since Thanksgiving, but in last couple of weeks she's wanted to stop it cold. I did tell her last night that I want to date her again. So we shall see. She's changed on me for the time being and I don't exactly feel comfortable with this change.
So life presses on. This is my last week if school. I'm excited. I just want to chill. It's been a long time since I've done two full semesters in a row (I think the last time was my senior year in high school.) I'm tired and just want to work through the summer. I do have two weeks of Army in June and 6 days between July and August. Hopefully I will get promoted to Sergeant this year (since I'm actually putting in for it.) I just want to have fun, so we'll see. I think it's gonna be a very laid back summer. Which is ok, but I think I'll get bored. I think I'm gonna take up reading again.
So I think I'm gonna be kinda selfish, because I want what I want. I've been pretty selfless lately and it's getting me nowhere. So, we'll see what happens...

Only Human

So I am only Human. I like everyone else, make mistakes, and I pay for them. Usually I do self-punishment. And I have. For the last 3 days I've been pretty hard on myself for something that I did. I have to live with it. Now it will never happen again. But someone else doesn't know how to react to me. I guess I am totally evil. But I'm not. It's just dumb. I'm Human. It's me, Chris. So, whatever... If you can't get over it, you don't deserve my friendship because I cannot be friends with someone who doesn't trust me.

Why?

Always. When things are going grand, a huge-ass wrench is thrown in the mix. It screws up everything. I'm so sad again. Lord, I beseech thee, grant me true happiness.

I'm Older

So now I'm 24. I'm getting older. But as I've found out, I still have a lot of life left in me. My birthday party was the bomb. It was so much fun. I hope that everyone enjoyed themselves because I sure did. I know the boys were up until 5am playing Halo, I however didn't make it past 2:30. The next day however Christy and I did make it to 4am. Partyin'. We have too much fun together. Hahaha. Is there such a thing as too much fun? I don't think so. So I get to spend this whole week on vacation. With only one day that I have to do stuff. That's it. Finally I get to sit on my butt all day, for the first time in a long time. I love it. No alarms, nothing but fun and pleasure. I'm gonna read all day. Have lunch with my Christy the rest of the week. Get little things done that I need to get done. Work out, tan. Get into a rhythm that I've been seeking the whole semester. Oh yeah, and party at night. Can't forget that part. Hee hee hee. Also, I think everyone needs to check in and let us (me), know how you're doing.

Silence

I sit here,
Night after night,
Drawing a picture of
Something that does not exist.

My pictures are beautiful,
Sitting on the Canvas,
Until the water hits them;
And I realize,
While the paint runs,
It is nothing but a picture...

Then the fear hits,
Striking my heart,
Making me wonder,
If all I'm ever gonna have,
Is just these pictures.

My dark room,
My dreams
My wants and desires;
Are all that I seem to have.

Everytime something tangible
Passes within my grasp,
It always ends up
Being too good to be true.

So what can I do,
About this hurt from within?
Press on and act
Like a person who's soul is gone.

A Little Fun

So not much is up. I just did an army weekend, we're in the middle of midterms. Christy and I are gettin along. For you Kelly, the story is that we're up and down. Sometimes we're totally mad for each other, other times we're just warm. Mostly because of her. She doesn't like commitment, so she shies away. When she does that, my attention tends to wander to other girls. So we keep going. We're best friends and really close. She pulled out a letter fromlast year. Something happened that I didn't like and i wrote my response. I don't remember it but it boiled down to giving me a chance and I am worth every minute you put into the friendship. I asked her if I was worth it and she said that I was worth more than every minute she put into me. So we hang out constantly. We did try the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but she just got downright mean with me. So we stay best friends, with benefits. We just try to stay out of trouble. Time will tell. Just like always...

February's End

So we are at the end of the month. It's gone pretty fast and been an interesting ride. My trip from Colorado was fairly interesting. High speeds trying to get over the mountain passes before nightfall. I drove the entirety of the trip because Christy was sick and is not comfortable with driving at night, so I ended up driving all 8 hours. Which was ok, but it exhausted me. So yesterday I was pretty much useless. I ended up with Christy at the end of the day and we spent some more time together. She's amazing.

A Good Week

This has definitely been a good week. I spend Valentine's Day making dinner for Christy and then I spent most of the week with her. On Friday we departed for Colorado to visit my family. It was a rough night because the pass over the mountains was insanely icy, but it was good after we got past all those passes. I drove into Denver and it was pretty easy. We slept most of the morning yesterday and talked the afternoon away. Then we visited with some old friends of the family who wanted to see me, who haven't seen me for a good decade. Today I got to visit with my godmother (a catholic thing). I haven't seen her since 2003. We spent a long while catching up and her husband talked to Christy most of the time. It was fun. She wanted to see me so bad and I obliged her. Christy and I are getting along really well. We just keep getting closer. I love her so much and I let her know that. Have a wonderful rest of the weekend everybody.

My Friend!!!

Oh My, I have found my friend, Mr. Everclear here in Utah County. He missed me and I missed him...

"Regret makes you old and bitterness poisons the ones around you" - One Tree Hill

So Christy and I tried a relationship. It didn't work. 5 days before it was officially over. She didn't like and neither did I. I love kissing her, I love holding her, and I love her, but she was kinda rude to me. That I did not like. I couldn"t even say a sarcastic remark and it was taken the wrong way.

So that's what it's been. There has been drama, there has been fighting, and it is still going on. She doesn't want to talk to me. So, I go on, do my thing and see what is happening. I don't know what else to do. It's almost like there is something wrong with me. That's how it feels sometimes. But, I wasn't being mean, except for when I yelled at her and told her what she was saying to me was bullshit. That was it. I can only take so much before I pop. Christy and I are supposed to go out to see my mom in Colorado, but who knows if that's gonna happen. Worse yet, we're supposed to have Valentine's dinner. But I don't know about that.

Needless to say I'm sad. I'm losing my best friend.

Things You Need to Know About Me

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Chris!

1. Never store Chris at room temperature!
2. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Chris.
3. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Chris and compline.
4. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at Chris!
5. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Chris fighting underground!
6. The National Heart Foundation recommends eating Chris at least three times a week.
7. The International Space Station weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as Chris.
8. Chris has 118 ridges around the edge.
9. Chris can taste with his feet.
10. Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Chris.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

I got this one off of Megan's Blog.

A Choice

I want Savanna

Seeing in the Dark

Today is a dark day. It sucks because I am so unpleasant when I'm like this. The only thing I feel like doing is killing. I guess these moods would be wonderful for my time that I spend in the Army or when my carrer in the dark side of law enforcement is in full swing, but these days in civilian, everyday life are dangerous for me. I don't want to be around anybody, I just want to put myself in a corner and avoid contact. I don't want to say anything bad to anybody, I don't want to offend anyone. Last time I was in one of these moods Christy called me and it didn't turn out too well. She didn't want to talk to me the whole weekend, but she ended up coming to see me anyways and I made it up to her. She ended up adoring me again, but I don't want to be this way. And people always tell me "Well if you were doing all the things you were supposed to be doing, staying active in the church, days like this wouldn't exist." But guess what, the deeper I go into the church, the more days like this I end up having. So I have to sit on the sidelines so I don't feel overwhelmed. Someday I'll be able to control it better, but I am still young and have a hard time with the darkness within. And I know it is within, because it has been there as long as I can remember. I was afraid of the dark for the longest time because of it, but in reality I was really scared of what lies within. I know it is one of those days because my heart feels like it is being squeezed. Like something is trying to evict my soul. I have to maintain the balance between good and evil, inside myself.

Weekly Update

So the last couple of weeks have definitely been interesting. I've been running on fumes for the last week. I had Friday off, but it wasn't nearly enough for me. A week of work and a weekend of Army. So I'm looking to take Friday off again so I get 3 days straight off to catch up. I have Army again on the 4th and 5th. Ugh... This last weekend I went to Army and we did a bunch of paperwork, and I got the flu shot. Last night while I was working my 12 hour shift yeaterday, I started to feel pretty sick. I am looking forward to spending some time with Christy tomorrow and this weekend. I'm so used to spending my weekends with her, so this last one pretty much sucked. Everything is going good. I'm just tired.

She Hates Me

Met a Girl
Thought she was grand
Fell in love
Found out first hand
Went well
For a week or two
Then it all came unglued
In a trapped trip
I can't gripnever thought
I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
Trust
She fucking hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried to hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

She was queen
For about an hour
After that shit got sour
She took all I ever had
No sign of guilt
No feeling of bad, no

In a trapped trip
I can't grip
Never thought
I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
Trust
She fucking hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried to hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

That's my story
As you see
Learned my lesson
And so did she
Now it's over
And I'm glad
'Cause I'm a fool
For all I've said

She fucking hates me
Trust
She fucking hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried to hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Trust
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Trust
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
She fucking hates me

I love this song by Puddle of Mudd

Calmed Down

So I think I might be talking to an empty audience, but it's all good. I got all of my school stuff settled, it was all their fault. So at this time they are reinstating my scholarship, and I am off of Academic Probation. That is where I'm gonna stay too. No more messing up. I am much more comfortable with school this semester. I think it is the feeling that almost all of my generals will be completed after this one and I should have my Associate's at the end of the summer. I'm gonna be a Junior in the fall! Finally. I started college in Fall 2001. I should be graduated after Spring 2008. Then I head off to get my master's. I've decided I don't stop until I get my master's. Then I go find a job and begin working on my doctorate. Imagine me, with a PHD. Scary, huh? Hehehe. I've got a long road ahead of me. If I had been smart, I would've graduated High School with an Associate's...

Total Aaaaaargh!

So the new year is not so hot. I found out that my scholarship has been withdrawn and so I get to pay this semester out my pocket, unless I can sweet talk the financial advisors... It sucks though. I want to go, but if I have to fight every step of the way, I'm probably just gonna withdraw. I'm sick of fighting. Christy wants me to press on, but I got even more demoralized when I found out I had a registration hold on me last night. So I am getting extremely frustrated. I can't wait till all this shit is over. Aaaaargh!

New Year & School

So it is the new year and school has started once again. Oh, yay I've missed it. Right. So I've only had two classes and I already have two homework assignments. Yikes. Stupid generals. BUT... after this semester I only have to complete math for the end of my generals. I think I'm gonna get it done this summer and I will most likely have my associates. The first person on my dad's side to get one. On my mom's side everyone but my mom has a degree.

So New Year's went off without a hitch. The only thing that sucked about it was that I was in Orem and Christy was in Layton. We decided next year we will be at the same party. Shorty drank for the first time ever. The only person who drank more than him was my dad, and Shorty didn't even get a buzz. Too many painkillers over the years. Don got moody, I got hazed, my Dad was drunk and blew up a bottle rocket in his face, my aunt got loud and obnoxious, her husband relaxed, and Jason refused to drink, but he did get so tired that he was acting like a drunk. (He had too much fun making out with his new love interest the next day.)

Well that's all I have for now. 5 more semesters...