A Single Color

The color of Money.
The color of Luck.
The color of Life.
This color means many things to different people.
Greed, Ambition, Jealousy.
Growth, Harmony, Renewal.
We all see it in different Tones.
Green is beautiful or ugly,
Depending on what Lens it passes through.
For me, this color is special.
I was born on the Day of Green.
For some reason it permeates through me,
And in some instances, controls me.
Green Eyes have always exerted a special control,
Over my mind and sensibility.
But more than anything,
It is the strength behind the eyes.
There is a pair out there,
That I will never forget.
The heart and soul behind them,
Is someone that is Absolutely Amazing.
I fell for her,
Before, Now, and Always.
Envy and Jealousy,
Took her away.
But Luck restored,
And returned us to Communication.
I always have hope,
That Green will work, in my favor.

Moving On to the Inevitable (Dating... Blech!)

A long year, a lot of thoughts, but the biggest one is that I no longer think I am ready to move on, I KNOW I am ready. I've been reading a ton of stuff and it finally gave me the personal closure that I have been seeking. That and a trip to Colorado where I was not burdened with being abandoned like I had been the previous year. I have a great family and amazing friends who have stuck with me through this interesting ordeal.

I spent half my life seeking love and still fell short. I ended up looking in the wrong location because of a previous wound that I was trying to hide from, and ended up wounding myself far worse than I would have been if I had just stayed a lonely, crazy man. But now I get another chance to rewrite my life and be someone so much better than I was becoming. Exciting times.

So now that I am moving on, an interesting thought has crossed into my head, there will be dating again. So with that disturbing thought, came the question of what I find attractive in women. After reading some articles I guess most people look at the smile first. Although I appreciate a good smile, the eyes are what I look at first. I started thinking, most of the women I have dated in my life had green eyes. Some had blue, but I have actually never dated a woman with brown eyes. My ex had hazel and that is the closest I have ever gotten to dating someone with brown eyes. I have been set up a couple of times, but I don't recall any of them having brown eyes, and if they did, the date must have been so bad that I'm blocking all memories of them out, but I digress. So my favorite eyes definitely have been green, but I do like blue eyes as well. We are visual creatures, so looks do matter, but honestly with the eyes it is more about the light behind the eyes.

If someone does not have very much light behind their eyes, then they tend to be dead inside. But I love finding that great light behind the eyes, because that means they have a wonderful heart to back up those eyes. Then if there is smiling (especially when it comes to me) that just completes that initial connection.

Hair color is an interesting one. Before Iraq I dated a mix, but post Iraq I have a tendency to prefer blondes. The only brunette I dated is the one I married and we all know how that turned out. Just kidding, but I don't know where I stand on hair color anymore.

All other features of a woman depend on the woman, personality and initial attraction, which actually carries a lot of weight in my book. But even before that, my instincts kick in on who I like and who I don't like. If I have to talk myself into liking someone, that truly is a disaster in the making.

Ugh, the idea of dating fills me with dread. I hated it the first time around and I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to like it any more this second time around. But if I refuse to do something out of fear, then I am just limiting my life and harming myself further than I have already been in these last ten years.

There is always hope.

New Year, New (Yeah Right)

It's over. I have officially blocked her and her new beau on both Facebook and Instagram so there is no temptation to look at their stuff and no way for them to look at mine.
My life will move in, a helluva lot faster than it did last year. Last year was ugly for me. Heartbreak, disappointment, frustration.
I can't wait to see what today has in store for me.