Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody. The day is over, I was on the slopes at 9:30 and was totally wasted by 2:00. I now know that a halfday of snowboarding is for me. I came close to fracturing my hand on one of my beautiful face dives. I have decided that next time I'm gonna have an instructor go with me for an hour. I can board, but not as well as I want to. I now remember why I quit boarding when I was younger, the pain in my ass.

I got some interesting things for Christmas as I always do. Got boarding pants and a pair of gloves that I tore right through on the first run. On the second run I tried to do a reverse and almost did my face in, but my hand took the fall. Anyways, the best gift of all came from Christy, she got me the entire collection of Calvin & Hobbes. That girl is amazing. Oh, how I love her.

I hope everyone is having good holidays.

December Blues!

Okay, so too many people have the december blues. It's driving me nuts. I'm usually the scrooge, but I have a generally better disposition than most this year. I think it is because my life is leveling off and I am satisfied. But everyone else is trying to have someone for the holidays. If you can learn anything from me, it is that you can still be alone and happy. And what my dad taught me is when you stop looking, someone finds you. I don't mean sit in a corner and shut off all contact, just don't go looking. That's how it's always worked with me and I have the most wonderful people in my life. So let it happen people and live for yourselves and no one else. Enjoy your life, it only happens once!

December Days

So it's December and school is winding down and work is still pretty aggressive, but it's the holidays. This next week I am out of school, and hopefully I passed all my classes because if I didn't, I'm gonna be in a world of hurt. I have faith that I did though. And I have moved back into my dad's house and am gonna be selling my contract at the apartment complex. Parkway Crossing isn't all it's cracked up to be. Since I'm gonna be going to school 18 hours next semester and work full time. So I'm back in my dad's basement, which is okay with me. I get to save some money. Back to school and not worry about things. Christy likes it because we don't have to worry about roommates and I'm a lot closer to her.

So it is done. Except I still have to sell my contract.

Inconcievable

So I had an unexpected response from my Blog. Courtney read it and called me. She called me intending to ask me to stop blogging about her and ended up talking for an hour and coming to a comprimise. She can call me and talk to me and we are going to try the friendship thing. So as she said, the saga continues. BUT... There is nothing else, I cannot walk down that road again. So she and I both get what we want and everybody else does as well. My heart is my own and I'm not looking for love, school is my priority. I will admit, part of me still loves her, but as a friend. So here goes nothing...

The Saga Ends

Yet another Chapter in my life has closed (which ironically is pretty close to the end of the year), and I get to look forward to a brighter future because those last pages of this chapter were pretty dark. But I'm not sad because I knew that this Thanksgiving would make or break my relationship with Courtney. It broke it and I can go back to being the Fun and Fancy Free Chris I was before. As for my life... It's pretty good. I have good friends and family and I'm finally doing well in school and I've gone for 3 semesters in a row (even though I bombed last semester.) I'm signed up for 18 credits and am finally into the classes that matter for my degree. It's so nice. Stupid generals... Anyways, I had a fun Thanksgiving and it looks like it's gonna be a fun Christmas. Jason (my army buddy and stockroom co-worker at Kirkland's) and I are gonna go snowboarding this season and our first outing is gonna be Christmas Day. Open presents at like 6 and then take off for the slopes. I can't wait.

My biggest regret is that I did turn down a few gorgeous women that I probably could've had some really good times with, but I was still enamored with Courtney (and Christy), so I missed out on those opportunities. Then reason that I'm not sad is that it releases stress on me, because everything was on her terms. When she called, she wanted to talk. If you didn't talk, she would get upset. So not having to worry about when she calls and make sure a female voice can't be heard when she does, takes a load off. Also I am the kind of person who does not submit. She needs someone who does submit. I comprimise, but I still want my say. Even in the Army, I still put my say in. So I don't know how to submit, so expecting it of me is asinine.

So I'm pushing on with a full blessing from my family. They are tired of me being upset over one girl. Even my friends are. So I focus on school and hang out with people who will never use me and be supportive without expecting anything but my friendship in return. This is nice. Too many fish in the sea, especially here. My cousin Candice is the one who stresses this one the most. She thinks I'm absolutely adorable and deserve only the best. My aunt agrees. So who am I to argue with them? My dad told me to stop looking and do what I need to do for myself, not for anyone else. And that's where I stand. Friends. That's all I need. Don't need drama. Relationships in college are stupid anyway, they just get in the way. Jason said it best "College is for learning. With all those boys on that list, how did she have time for school?" I laughed my ass off. He has a point. My dating average is 3 girls a semester, she had 7 plus. Wow. Okay then. Sorry, I pay $200 a semester and can't justify wasting it, how can she justify burning however much she does (and remember she's paying out-of-state at a private university.) Normally I wouldn't say this stuff in public, but she turned it into a grudge match with the stuff she posted on her blog. So I guess I can vent.

I love all of you who have been good to me and thank you for supporting me for the last 13 months (or less.) I appreciate all of you and will never forget your kind ears and generous advice. Thank You!

100%

So Courtney totally pushed me away now and so I no longer will even try with her. The reason for this can be read on her blog http://thegirlofyourmomsdreams.blogspot.com
I now realize that I should've pushed her away the first time she lied to me, last December. Now I feel like I've wasted a year of my life and a lot of money on a horrible investment. I spent $500 on her ticket to California, over $1000 on my trip to Tulsa to see her. Hundreds on stuff that I've sent to her. Karen always told me I was too good for her, now it's totally apparent to me. I was so nice to her last night and she had already written that blog so she can go live out there in her paradise Tulsa. Power to you and good riddance.

If you haven't gotten what I'm saying, I'm 100% done with the lies, the secrets, and the guilt trips. Done. 100% done with Courtney Wilson.

Chest Pains

So as Ryan is having anxiety attacks, I am having chest pains. I only have them once in a while (like every other year), but this is twice in one week. My heart is broken, my faith shattered, and hope vanquished. I am now a shell of what I once was. Between Courtney informing me that she has a boyfriend, Christy getting my hopes up, then turning me down again, and Savanna constantly going after guys nowhere near the likes of me, I find myself wondering why I stay here. Why do I sit here and take the constant punishment? If I wanted punishment I could go into the army full time and get paid a helluva lot better than I am now. I find myself longing for Iraq, because then at least life is an adventure. At least I know I'm doing something for someone else. Instead I go to school and work day after day, trying to stay on top, for what purpose I do not know. I have dreams, but they all involve me sharing my life with someone. I'm 23 and all alone. I love my best friend, but she doesn't feel the same about me. What is wrong with me? Why can't girls love me for longer than 5 minutes? Enough of my troubles. I'll just go back to my tears...

Raw

So once again Christy has decided she doesn't like (who knows why) so I get to sit back at square one again. I'm so sick of this over and over again. I make concessions in my life and nothing comes of it. And then people get upset with me when I don't make time for them. What's up with that. So my emotions are in turmoil and I have to sort them all out. Between the problems with Courtney and Christy messing with me, I just have to press on and make the most of my holidays. I will buck up and take it like I always do.

All Tied Up Inside

So Christy and I have been in hiatus. We both have feelings for each other and now don't know what to do about it. It's been like this since Sunday, but she was in California until yesterday. Now she's back and I want to spend every minute with her, but then I want space too. But I want to be as close to her when we first started being friends. I don't know what to do. Aaaaargh!!! Why can't things go by the book? CFRL says "Only Time Can Tell."