Come Sail With Me

So we went sailing today. Christy found out that 16 year olds don't know how to not be attached. Hahaha. So today was my last full day in California. We went sailing. We just sailed around the harbor mostly, but for 15 minutes we went out to sea and I remember just how fun it was. I miss it so much. Then we stayed around down in Orange County (did I mention that's where my grandpa's yacht is, Newport Beach? I even know the area where they film the O.C.) So we stayed in Orange County because Christy's two sisters were flying from Utah. But before that we went to the Island Mall in Newport. It was a really nice Outdoor Mall. It puts the Gateway to absolute shame. The stores are so nice and the fountains and Carousel are so cool. So we were there for a little over a couple of hours. But then we went to the airport. Christy had to get a special pass and go back to the gate to sign for taking responsibilty for the girls. Then we took them to their uncle's. But Ben and myself did notice that Justin had began hitting on Laura, the younger sister. It was just like icing on the cake. I told him to go home after we got back because I was tired of the crap he brought, a dog in heat. So tired of it. So now I'm gonna go to bed and sleep.

What is Going On?

So I asked my cousin to stay away from Christy and I asked her not to kiss him. But they did not listen. Nobody cares about how I feel. So drama comes to my vacation. And now I don't want to talk to either of them, because I'm not okay with it. People upset me. People are stupid. I can't do anything without having people be stupid around me. Christy looks at it likes it's a one time thing, but Justin is gonna beg me to bring her everytime, and I am not cool with it. At all. Our friendship just took a hit. I've lost my buzz because I knew it was gonna happen. I always know. It sucks. No matter what I do I can't win.

Thanksgiving

So here we are, on Thanksgiving Day. I am in California at my grandparent's house and Thanksgiving dinner is gearing up. It's so warm here. I love it. I'm driving around in a silver Dodge Ram (the only time in my life I will probably drive one.) It is nice and relaxing. I spent last night drinking with my grandpa, uncle, aunt, mom and step-father. It was pretty interesting. I snuck my little brother and cousin some too so they didn't feel left out. I ended up drinking the most and I don't even have a headache. Must be the elevation. It's so nice. I'll let you know some more later. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Relief is Finally in Sight

I finally got my history group project done (by myself I might add, losers) and now I am definitely feeling the relief of being at the end of the semester. So ready for vacation, am I. I can't wait for Wednesday morning. On to California and freedom. Rest and Relaxation and hopefully some sleep. But that last one is very doubtful. Aye-Yi-Yi. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving Break.

So I have also ventured into myspace. I am at http://www.myspace.com/thedollarsymbol

Vacation

So I am going on vacation to California. I haven't been on vacation since July of last year. I'm not taking a week this time, only 5 days, but it will be nice. I wish I could take more, but that is not possible. I think I need a vacation from Courtney too. She is doing nothing but stressing me out. So I think I need to tell her that I'm not gonna talk to her while I am on vacation. But I want to be able to talk to her. That is the thing. I totally love and adore her. Aaaargh. It is so frustrating that you have no idea.

Saturday Night Fever

So on Saturday Night I had a dream that peaked my interest. But first I have to give you some back story.

The very first UVSC Volleyball game I went to was interesting. I went to it because I did not want to go to class. I had been sitting there at the game for about 3 minutes when one of the girls playing caught my eye. I quickly texted Ryan, because I knew he was back at the apartment, and asked him who #14 was. He quickly responded that her name was Camie Manwill and she was from Paradise, CA. I knew that I had to watch this girl play from now on, so I rarely missed an in-town volleyball game. (I even went and watched them play at BYU.) So needless to say, I have a huge crush on her, but can never find her at the school or find anybody who really knows her. Plus it is nearly impossible to get near the players after a game (and the season is over so there's nothing I can really do now.) So that's the back story, now onto the main event.

So my dream started with me being in a huge valley with mountains all around. I was being led by a man I knew to a house up high on the hills next to the mountain. It was a beautiful, multi-level home where the foyer was the center of the house and all other sections of the house came together. We knocked on the door and she answered. Camie. The girl that I had a huge crush on and that I had so wanted to meet. We walked in a she sat there talking to us. The man I was with then walked upstairs to talk to her father (because they were business partners) so we were left to talk. She then proceeded to tell me that she already had a boyfriend and that she didn't know why her father and the other guy (I call him this because I still have no idea what his relationship was with me) wanted us to meet. I told her that I really didn't have any idea. So we sat there chatting and she decided that I was a fun person and she did want to hang out with me, but just as friends. So we traded numbers and then our friendship began. We hung out a little bit, but we talked on the phone a lot. We soon became the best of friends and were talking and hanging out more. Then it came to the point where I found out that her and I were becoming closer than her and the boyfriend. Then it all stopped. For two days I couldn't get a hold of her and her parents said that she was kinda sick. One the third day I called her and she was pretty quiet. I asked her if she was okay, but she wasn't very responsive. So then I asked her "What is going on?" Then she told me, "I've fallen for you." I was in shock. I wanted her to like me, but I was at the point where I was expecting nothing to happen. Then she told me that she didn't know what to do with her boyfriend. I responded by telling her that she was confused so the best idea was to do nothing. But she quickly told me "no, I want to be with you. Don't you want to be with me?" I sat there quietly for a minute and then told her "Camie, I have wanted to be with you since the day I have met you."

So my dream ended there. I woke up and was pretty upset. I wanted more to the dream, but then it's probably not a good idea, because just thinking about how hot she is kinda drives me wild. Yeah, Saturday night. Just as I was starting to put her out of my mind, and Wa-Bam! She's right there at the top of my mind again. *sigh*

She Makes Me Crazy!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Answer me at least out of courtesy! Is it really that difficult?!? I guess so...

Simplicity

So I find myself craving a simple life. My life is full of webs right now, webs that entangle me, but that I can still walk on. But because I keep stumbling, the spider keeps attacking me. So I keep creeping on. Everytime I try to free myself, more webs appear. And I think I have identified the spider. Ugh. Where's my bug spray?

Time

Don't you feel it ticking? Just going along, passing by. Hahaha. I'm tired. I can't wait to go to California for week of vacation. It'll be nice. Too bad Courtney and I had our falling out because we were gonna go together. Oh well

So Confused

Courtney and I have agreed to start over, but I still feel uneasy. I still love her. I just hope she means what she's been telling me, because this is it. I want to be with her. I can't take anymore hits to my heart from her. My grandmother and my aunt want me to be rid of her and my mom and dad just want me to be careful. She's so young, and so wild, but I care about her so I'm giving her every chance I can. I just hope she realizes that my feelings are wrapped up in her. Please don't hurt me Courtney because I really do love you.

What Explanation?

I don't see why I need to have an explanation for everything. Sometimes feelings can't be explained, but I do my best. There are times where you have to realize that some things you just have to let be. I know it's hard and human nature makes us inquisitive, but I am not omnipotent, so i don't have an explanation for everything in this world or myself. How I feel is how I feel. If I am disgusted, then I feel disgusted. If I am sad, I feel sad. Not everybody feels the same about everything. But there are some things that I just find gross, and I really don't want to be around those things. If people are doing things that I dont want to have anything to do with, then I don't have anything to do with those people. I have thrown away many friendships because my values no longer were in sync with theirs and the activities that they participate in make me sick or uneasy. At this point in my life, I am cutting out the stresses in my life, so don't expect to be a part of my life if the stuff you do stresses me out. I don't need it and don't want it. All that matters is that I go to school and get my degree. Anything else is trivial. This is my time, so don't think you can make yourself number one in my life, because my school is.

Another Loss

Due to certain circumstances that are unagreeable with my moral standards, Courtney and I will now have no more contact with one another. At least, this is my intention. For the first time in a long time, I was having a fun time at my Army Weekend and she managed to ruin my mood Saturday night and Sunday morning I was totally turned against her and she has no one to blame but herself. I'm done with her. And at this point in my life I have calculated that she is responsible for 75% of all the drama that I experience. Since I am attempting to eliminate as much bad influences and sources of stress from my life, I have to eliminate Courtney, someone who has earned my total disgust. I have discussed the situation with my closest family and friends and they have all agreed that I have made the correct decision. If you read this Courtney, you have until the 14th to return the phone to me. So tell everyone you have to change phone numbers. I think you should get one for out there since you are so in-depth into the Tulsa social circles. Goodbye and so long.

The Whatever Complex

I have now reverted to saying "Whatever." I was driven to this by many people and quite frankly, I don't care anymore. My charity is now at an end. Ya'll are on your own.

Gone

Amelia took off on Tuesday. Shortly after I left for work is when she disappeared. She was gone by the time my bro woke up. It was a sad day for all of us. It was topped off by my car dying every chance it gets. My life is definitely not what it once was. Right now, I'm just tired. So tired and worn out. All I do is shrug. Whatever...