Things You Need to Know About Me

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Chris!

1. Never store Chris at room temperature!
2. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Chris.
3. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Chris and compline.
4. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at Chris!
5. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Chris fighting underground!
6. The National Heart Foundation recommends eating Chris at least three times a week.
7. The International Space Station weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as Chris.
8. Chris has 118 ridges around the edge.
9. Chris can taste with his feet.
10. Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Chris.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

I got this one off of Megan's Blog.

A Choice

I want Savanna

Seeing in the Dark

Today is a dark day. It sucks because I am so unpleasant when I'm like this. The only thing I feel like doing is killing. I guess these moods would be wonderful for my time that I spend in the Army or when my carrer in the dark side of law enforcement is in full swing, but these days in civilian, everyday life are dangerous for me. I don't want to be around anybody, I just want to put myself in a corner and avoid contact. I don't want to say anything bad to anybody, I don't want to offend anyone. Last time I was in one of these moods Christy called me and it didn't turn out too well. She didn't want to talk to me the whole weekend, but she ended up coming to see me anyways and I made it up to her. She ended up adoring me again, but I don't want to be this way. And people always tell me "Well if you were doing all the things you were supposed to be doing, staying active in the church, days like this wouldn't exist." But guess what, the deeper I go into the church, the more days like this I end up having. So I have to sit on the sidelines so I don't feel overwhelmed. Someday I'll be able to control it better, but I am still young and have a hard time with the darkness within. And I know it is within, because it has been there as long as I can remember. I was afraid of the dark for the longest time because of it, but in reality I was really scared of what lies within. I know it is one of those days because my heart feels like it is being squeezed. Like something is trying to evict my soul. I have to maintain the balance between good and evil, inside myself.

Weekly Update

So the last couple of weeks have definitely been interesting. I've been running on fumes for the last week. I had Friday off, but it wasn't nearly enough for me. A week of work and a weekend of Army. So I'm looking to take Friday off again so I get 3 days straight off to catch up. I have Army again on the 4th and 5th. Ugh... This last weekend I went to Army and we did a bunch of paperwork, and I got the flu shot. Last night while I was working my 12 hour shift yeaterday, I started to feel pretty sick. I am looking forward to spending some time with Christy tomorrow and this weekend. I'm so used to spending my weekends with her, so this last one pretty much sucked. Everything is going good. I'm just tired.

She Hates Me

Met a Girl
Thought she was grand
Fell in love
Found out first hand
Went well
For a week or two
Then it all came unglued
In a trapped trip
I can't gripnever thought
I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
Trust
She fucking hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried to hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

She was queen
For about an hour
After that shit got sour
She took all I ever had
No sign of guilt
No feeling of bad, no

In a trapped trip
I can't grip
Never thought
I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

She fucking hates me
Trust
She fucking hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried to hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

That's my story
As you see
Learned my lesson
And so did she
Now it's over
And I'm glad
'Cause I'm a fool
For all I've said

She fucking hates me
Trust
She fucking hates me
La, la, la, la
I tried to hard
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
And ripped them away

La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Trust
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Trust
And she tore my feelings
Like I had none
She fucking hates me

I love this song by Puddle of Mudd

Calmed Down

So I think I might be talking to an empty audience, but it's all good. I got all of my school stuff settled, it was all their fault. So at this time they are reinstating my scholarship, and I am off of Academic Probation. That is where I'm gonna stay too. No more messing up. I am much more comfortable with school this semester. I think it is the feeling that almost all of my generals will be completed after this one and I should have my Associate's at the end of the summer. I'm gonna be a Junior in the fall! Finally. I started college in Fall 2001. I should be graduated after Spring 2008. Then I head off to get my master's. I've decided I don't stop until I get my master's. Then I go find a job and begin working on my doctorate. Imagine me, with a PHD. Scary, huh? Hehehe. I've got a long road ahead of me. If I had been smart, I would've graduated High School with an Associate's...

Total Aaaaaargh!

So the new year is not so hot. I found out that my scholarship has been withdrawn and so I get to pay this semester out my pocket, unless I can sweet talk the financial advisors... It sucks though. I want to go, but if I have to fight every step of the way, I'm probably just gonna withdraw. I'm sick of fighting. Christy wants me to press on, but I got even more demoralized when I found out I had a registration hold on me last night. So I am getting extremely frustrated. I can't wait till all this shit is over. Aaaaargh!

New Year & School

So it is the new year and school has started once again. Oh, yay I've missed it. Right. So I've only had two classes and I already have two homework assignments. Yikes. Stupid generals. BUT... after this semester I only have to complete math for the end of my generals. I think I'm gonna get it done this summer and I will most likely have my associates. The first person on my dad's side to get one. On my mom's side everyone but my mom has a degree.

So New Year's went off without a hitch. The only thing that sucked about it was that I was in Orem and Christy was in Layton. We decided next year we will be at the same party. Shorty drank for the first time ever. The only person who drank more than him was my dad, and Shorty didn't even get a buzz. Too many painkillers over the years. Don got moody, I got hazed, my Dad was drunk and blew up a bottle rocket in his face, my aunt got loud and obnoxious, her husband relaxed, and Jason refused to drink, but he did get so tired that he was acting like a drunk. (He had too much fun making out with his new love interest the next day.)

Well that's all I have for now. 5 more semesters...

Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody. The day is over, I was on the slopes at 9:30 and was totally wasted by 2:00. I now know that a halfday of snowboarding is for me. I came close to fracturing my hand on one of my beautiful face dives. I have decided that next time I'm gonna have an instructor go with me for an hour. I can board, but not as well as I want to. I now remember why I quit boarding when I was younger, the pain in my ass.

I got some interesting things for Christmas as I always do. Got boarding pants and a pair of gloves that I tore right through on the first run. On the second run I tried to do a reverse and almost did my face in, but my hand took the fall. Anyways, the best gift of all came from Christy, she got me the entire collection of Calvin & Hobbes. That girl is amazing. Oh, how I love her.

I hope everyone is having good holidays.

December Blues!

Okay, so too many people have the december blues. It's driving me nuts. I'm usually the scrooge, but I have a generally better disposition than most this year. I think it is because my life is leveling off and I am satisfied. But everyone else is trying to have someone for the holidays. If you can learn anything from me, it is that you can still be alone and happy. And what my dad taught me is when you stop looking, someone finds you. I don't mean sit in a corner and shut off all contact, just don't go looking. That's how it's always worked with me and I have the most wonderful people in my life. So let it happen people and live for yourselves and no one else. Enjoy your life, it only happens once!

December Days

So it's December and school is winding down and work is still pretty aggressive, but it's the holidays. This next week I am out of school, and hopefully I passed all my classes because if I didn't, I'm gonna be in a world of hurt. I have faith that I did though. And I have moved back into my dad's house and am gonna be selling my contract at the apartment complex. Parkway Crossing isn't all it's cracked up to be. Since I'm gonna be going to school 18 hours next semester and work full time. So I'm back in my dad's basement, which is okay with me. I get to save some money. Back to school and not worry about things. Christy likes it because we don't have to worry about roommates and I'm a lot closer to her.

So it is done. Except I still have to sell my contract.

Inconcievable

So I had an unexpected response from my Blog. Courtney read it and called me. She called me intending to ask me to stop blogging about her and ended up talking for an hour and coming to a comprimise. She can call me and talk to me and we are going to try the friendship thing. So as she said, the saga continues. BUT... There is nothing else, I cannot walk down that road again. So she and I both get what we want and everybody else does as well. My heart is my own and I'm not looking for love, school is my priority. I will admit, part of me still loves her, but as a friend. So here goes nothing...

The Saga Ends

Yet another Chapter in my life has closed (which ironically is pretty close to the end of the year), and I get to look forward to a brighter future because those last pages of this chapter were pretty dark. But I'm not sad because I knew that this Thanksgiving would make or break my relationship with Courtney. It broke it and I can go back to being the Fun and Fancy Free Chris I was before. As for my life... It's pretty good. I have good friends and family and I'm finally doing well in school and I've gone for 3 semesters in a row (even though I bombed last semester.) I'm signed up for 18 credits and am finally into the classes that matter for my degree. It's so nice. Stupid generals... Anyways, I had a fun Thanksgiving and it looks like it's gonna be a fun Christmas. Jason (my army buddy and stockroom co-worker at Kirkland's) and I are gonna go snowboarding this season and our first outing is gonna be Christmas Day. Open presents at like 6 and then take off for the slopes. I can't wait.

My biggest regret is that I did turn down a few gorgeous women that I probably could've had some really good times with, but I was still enamored with Courtney (and Christy), so I missed out on those opportunities. Then reason that I'm not sad is that it releases stress on me, because everything was on her terms. When she called, she wanted to talk. If you didn't talk, she would get upset. So not having to worry about when she calls and make sure a female voice can't be heard when she does, takes a load off. Also I am the kind of person who does not submit. She needs someone who does submit. I comprimise, but I still want my say. Even in the Army, I still put my say in. So I don't know how to submit, so expecting it of me is asinine.

So I'm pushing on with a full blessing from my family. They are tired of me being upset over one girl. Even my friends are. So I focus on school and hang out with people who will never use me and be supportive without expecting anything but my friendship in return. This is nice. Too many fish in the sea, especially here. My cousin Candice is the one who stresses this one the most. She thinks I'm absolutely adorable and deserve only the best. My aunt agrees. So who am I to argue with them? My dad told me to stop looking and do what I need to do for myself, not for anyone else. And that's where I stand. Friends. That's all I need. Don't need drama. Relationships in college are stupid anyway, they just get in the way. Jason said it best "College is for learning. With all those boys on that list, how did she have time for school?" I laughed my ass off. He has a point. My dating average is 3 girls a semester, she had 7 plus. Wow. Okay then. Sorry, I pay $200 a semester and can't justify wasting it, how can she justify burning however much she does (and remember she's paying out-of-state at a private university.) Normally I wouldn't say this stuff in public, but she turned it into a grudge match with the stuff she posted on her blog. So I guess I can vent.

I love all of you who have been good to me and thank you for supporting me for the last 13 months (or less.) I appreciate all of you and will never forget your kind ears and generous advice. Thank You!

100%

So Courtney totally pushed me away now and so I no longer will even try with her. The reason for this can be read on her blog http://thegirlofyourmomsdreams.blogspot.com
I now realize that I should've pushed her away the first time she lied to me, last December. Now I feel like I've wasted a year of my life and a lot of money on a horrible investment. I spent $500 on her ticket to California, over $1000 on my trip to Tulsa to see her. Hundreds on stuff that I've sent to her. Karen always told me I was too good for her, now it's totally apparent to me. I was so nice to her last night and she had already written that blog so she can go live out there in her paradise Tulsa. Power to you and good riddance.

If you haven't gotten what I'm saying, I'm 100% done with the lies, the secrets, and the guilt trips. Done. 100% done with Courtney Wilson.

Chest Pains

So as Ryan is having anxiety attacks, I am having chest pains. I only have them once in a while (like every other year), but this is twice in one week. My heart is broken, my faith shattered, and hope vanquished. I am now a shell of what I once was. Between Courtney informing me that she has a boyfriend, Christy getting my hopes up, then turning me down again, and Savanna constantly going after guys nowhere near the likes of me, I find myself wondering why I stay here. Why do I sit here and take the constant punishment? If I wanted punishment I could go into the army full time and get paid a helluva lot better than I am now. I find myself longing for Iraq, because then at least life is an adventure. At least I know I'm doing something for someone else. Instead I go to school and work day after day, trying to stay on top, for what purpose I do not know. I have dreams, but they all involve me sharing my life with someone. I'm 23 and all alone. I love my best friend, but she doesn't feel the same about me. What is wrong with me? Why can't girls love me for longer than 5 minutes? Enough of my troubles. I'll just go back to my tears...

Raw

So once again Christy has decided she doesn't like (who knows why) so I get to sit back at square one again. I'm so sick of this over and over again. I make concessions in my life and nothing comes of it. And then people get upset with me when I don't make time for them. What's up with that. So my emotions are in turmoil and I have to sort them all out. Between the problems with Courtney and Christy messing with me, I just have to press on and make the most of my holidays. I will buck up and take it like I always do.

All Tied Up Inside

So Christy and I have been in hiatus. We both have feelings for each other and now don't know what to do about it. It's been like this since Sunday, but she was in California until yesterday. Now she's back and I want to spend every minute with her, but then I want space too. But I want to be as close to her when we first started being friends. I don't know what to do. Aaaaargh!!! Why can't things go by the book? CFRL says "Only Time Can Tell."

Come Sail With Me

So we went sailing today. Christy found out that 16 year olds don't know how to not be attached. Hahaha. So today was my last full day in California. We went sailing. We just sailed around the harbor mostly, but for 15 minutes we went out to sea and I remember just how fun it was. I miss it so much. Then we stayed around down in Orange County (did I mention that's where my grandpa's yacht is, Newport Beach? I even know the area where they film the O.C.) So we stayed in Orange County because Christy's two sisters were flying from Utah. But before that we went to the Island Mall in Newport. It was a really nice Outdoor Mall. It puts the Gateway to absolute shame. The stores are so nice and the fountains and Carousel are so cool. So we were there for a little over a couple of hours. But then we went to the airport. Christy had to get a special pass and go back to the gate to sign for taking responsibilty for the girls. Then we took them to their uncle's. But Ben and myself did notice that Justin had began hitting on Laura, the younger sister. It was just like icing on the cake. I told him to go home after we got back because I was tired of the crap he brought, a dog in heat. So tired of it. So now I'm gonna go to bed and sleep.

What is Going On?

So I asked my cousin to stay away from Christy and I asked her not to kiss him. But they did not listen. Nobody cares about how I feel. So drama comes to my vacation. And now I don't want to talk to either of them, because I'm not okay with it. People upset me. People are stupid. I can't do anything without having people be stupid around me. Christy looks at it likes it's a one time thing, but Justin is gonna beg me to bring her everytime, and I am not cool with it. At all. Our friendship just took a hit. I've lost my buzz because I knew it was gonna happen. I always know. It sucks. No matter what I do I can't win.

Thanksgiving

So here we are, on Thanksgiving Day. I am in California at my grandparent's house and Thanksgiving dinner is gearing up. It's so warm here. I love it. I'm driving around in a silver Dodge Ram (the only time in my life I will probably drive one.) It is nice and relaxing. I spent last night drinking with my grandpa, uncle, aunt, mom and step-father. It was pretty interesting. I snuck my little brother and cousin some too so they didn't feel left out. I ended up drinking the most and I don't even have a headache. Must be the elevation. It's so nice. I'll let you know some more later. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!