Migraines

I am so tired of migraines. I was awoken early (on the one day I was looking forward to sleeping in all day...) by a migraine. An hour after I woke up I was so sick that I took a pill called Maxalt and it altered all of reality for me. Right now I am up and about because the bed kept spinning. I hate migraines... My poor mother has had one for almost 10 straight years. I don't know how she does it because when the pain gets to this level for me it puts me in bed. Grrr... I hope it doesn't continue like this for the rest of my life.
As for today I don't have much planned. So I guess everything is gonna work out. Maybe I'll get to play computer games... Right. Like I can look at the computer screen for long. Speaking of which, see ya. I can't do it anymore. Wish me luck in my chemically induced alternate reality.

Destiny, Laying Low, and Reconstruction

So I've been reviewing what is seen as my destiny... and it is a very cluttered one with a lot of action. I guess I've always known that though, every since I was young. Everyone else pretended that they were gonna save the world, I always knew that I was gonna do my part to actually save it. So I have a rough and tumble future ahead of me and anybody who knows me well should know that there is nothing that can change it.

For the time being I am just laying low, staying out of everyone's way. I have to lay low or I'll end up being caught in the middle of something unpleasant. I have a year left before I have to kick it into high gear. So... As I said... I'm laying low.

Let the reconstruction of everything begin. And oh it is happening.

Army

Sitting here, aching, tired, migraine. What a weekend. Army started at 5:30am yesterday. It was too early. My entire body has been messed up since then. First thing that I found out is that my leader had an attack that was similar a heart attack and was hospitalized. The second in command is going to prison soon so I think that he no longer cares about coming to army so that left me as the senior ranking individual. We went to the ranges to shoot and I got done pretty quickly but a lot of people didn't so we waited around all day until almost all of them finished. We left and went back to the armory where we turned our weapons in and then were sent home. I spent the rest of the night relaxing until I fell asleep. We went back this morning to run the physical fitness test. I passed for the first time this year. It's nice to be in the clear at least for a couple of months. Until WLC. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to 2 weeks of being yelled at by men with small penises. Anyways we took until 11:30 and then we began cleaning our weapons. That was how we spend most of the afternoon. Cleaned weapons and watched movies on my laptop. Lots of people were drooling over my laptop. It was funny. Our cleanup wasn't much, but then they made me do an after action review... Paperwork. Not my favorite thing. Now I lay here on my back and hurt. I'm on plenty of drugs to help ease my migraine and muscle aches. Well, I'll be back to my Babylon 5 now...

Post Birthday

So I started off my birthday by going out with my friend Jason shooting. We took a couple of Christmas decorations that I got from Kirkland's. Ceramic snowmen were blown apart by rifles and shotguns. We had a lot of fun taking them out. A couple of angel candlesticks as well. We had a blast.
Then I went home and watched the new James Bond that my cousin got for me. It was then that Christy contacted me again and I invited her to go bowling with us that night. Lizzy told me that it would be fine, so I invited her. When she got to my house you could see that she wasn't exactly at ease. She was pretty nervous but we weren't gonna ruin my birthday with any fireworks and we had 6 months apart from each other. So we all went bowling and then Lizzy started to have a little anxiety because I was paying a lot of attention to Christy bc we were at ease with each other. I felt so bad and I didn't want her to feel like she was losing me. So I stuck close to her for the rest of the night. We bowled 4 games and they snuck out and got me a cake to embarrass me. Silly heads... I won the last two games.
When we got home Christy stuck around for about 20 minutes then took off and went dancing. Lizzy stayed and drank a little to ease her nerves. My poor baby. I'm sorry that Christy stressed you out so bad :(

Yes/No Game

Rule #1:If you open this you GOTTA take it.

Rule # 2:You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks

Rule # 3:you can only answer " yes " or " no "

Q: Kissed someone on your top friends?
A: yes

Q: Been arrested?
A: no

Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?
A: yes

Q: Do you like someone?
A: yes

Q: Do they know?
A: yes

Q: Held a snake?
A: yes

Q: Been suspended from school?
A: no

Q: Been fired from a job?
A: no

Q: Sang karaoke?
A: yes

Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
A: yes

Q: Laughed until you started crying?
A: yes

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
A: yes

Q: Kissed in the rain?
A: yes

Q: Sang in the shower?
A: yes

Q: Sat on a roof top?
A: yes

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
A: yes

Q: Broken a bone?
A: no

Q: Shaved your head?
A: yes

Q: Played a prank on someone?
A: yes

Q: Had/have a gym membership?
A: yes

Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
A: yes

Q: Shot a gun?
A: yes

Q: Donated Blood?
A: yes

Q: Had your heart broken?
A: yes

Q: Broken someone's heart?
A: yes

Q: Do you like someone on you top friends?:
A: yes

REPLY THEN REPOST AS THE "yes/no game"

Vacation

Oh I forgot how nice it is to be on vacation. Not just from school but work as well. It is nice to not have to worry about doing anything or going anywhere. Time to sit and chill, and play with my new laptop that cost me a bundle. For everyone who doesn't know... My birthday is on Saturday... Only the best Holiday of the Year! Oh, and Christy has decided to make an appearence... This should be interesting to say the least.

Look at Me

So I haven't blogged in forever and I used to blog religiously. Weird huh? So I am still going to school off and on. Been going out with Lizzy for 5 months today (yay!) and we're still going strong. Even though we've been fighting some this week. As for me I'm just working and trying to get through school. I was forced to buy a new computer (Christy busting my other one still haunts me) and I like it even though it is pretty big. I get to play all my games again and don't have to worry about the battery dying in less that a minute.
Rumors of Iraq keep coming so we'll see how that unfolds over the next couple of months. My unit is changing so I am going to become a Military Police officer. That outta be interesting to say the least. I don't know where my decisions will leave me over the next 4 years with my military career.
I've been hurting this week. I rolled my ankle and threw my back out on Sunday during my physical fitness test.
So that's all I got for now. Laters

Flu

So I have been sick for the last 3 days. It's starting to wear me out. I tried to walk today and I almost fell over. Ugh. I have being sick more than I hate other parts of my life. And I really don't have time to be sick. It especially hurts my morning classes because I feel worst in the morning. Luckily monday night I made it to my class because I had a test. I'm doing better in that class than I originally thought. But anyways, I hope I heal soon. But now I have to go take care of the faker, my brother. Who stayed up too late last night and decided he was gonna stay home.

Halloween

So we had a little party last night and watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Broke three new people into the cult. I don't know if they are true believers yet. I don't know yet what I am going to do about Halloween. But this year is a good year. It should be great.

Status Quo No More

So peoples... I'm in love with Lizzy.

A New Day

So I have a new woman in my life. Lizzy. For all those who are behind on my life, Christy and I called our friendship off on September 11th. However we did run into each other after a month. We are skittish of each other and barely talked after that. The feelings and the wounds run too deep I guess. She hardly forgives and I finally am holding a grudge. I do miss her and she owns a piece of my heart to this day.
Onto Lizzy. She is an amazing woman and goes to BYU. I met her 4 days after my fiasco with Christy and we have been dating for 4 weeks. We've been a couple for 2 weeks. It is so nice. We are inseperable. But I love her deeply. We are so different but we are so good to one another. I hope that we last. That is my fear because I have never had a relationship last longer than 3 months. So we shall see. We are going to California together so it should be a lot of fun. I just hope my family is as warm to her as they were to Christy...

End of April

So another month has come and gone. But more importantly, another semester has come and gone. This was definitely a lot harder than the last one and you remember all the drama I had in that one. It was horrible. But this one, takes the cake. Working almost full time, 18 credits at school, and my extreme personal life with Christy, tooks it's toll on me. The ashes are finally settling: Christy and I are trying to repair our friendship; I failed one, two, or three classes, I don't know yet (1 for sure); Courtney and I are talking pretty regularly; Hailey has disappeared; My dad has had some pretty interesting financial battles; and I have finally seen that I must prepare my life and get as much done with it before Iraq (Iran) again. Yes, and I'm buying a XBox 360 and a PSP. I need to get things rolling and my personal happiness is on the line.

The summer has begun and I hope everyone has a good time. Perhaps we should all hang out again, just like we used to...

Tension

So for me, tension is rising. I have few regular friends and I'm starting to get the same dreams and feelings that I felt in early 2003. For me, that means the war drums are beating again. So I look to the middle east and the news is, IRAN TELLS U.N. THAT THEY WILL CONTINUE TO ENRICH URANIUM. Mmmm... So I may return to the Middle East sooner than I thought. And the way my life is turning, I might even welcome it. With the loss of Christy, I don't have much I wish to do anymore, and $30,000+ in my pocket, living off of the government. Downside is, life and death again. Oh dear. Tomorrow is my last day of school. Joyus day for me. 3 months without school (maybe even more).
But... Nobody worry. Nothing in stone yet.

A Little Story

Christy and I have ended our friendship of more than a year has ended. It seems that once I pass the year mark anymore, the friendship ends. But we were more than friends since she went to California with me for Thanksgiving. We were so close, too close. We were totally wrapped up in one another's lives. We spent so much time together. So now it is going to be especially hard because there is a gaping hole in my heart. I was afraid that she was drifting away from me and in my arrogance, I pushed her to spend more time with me and then when I confronted her, I didn't do it gently, I accused her. And now I have pushed her away forever. Another loss in the long line of my life. Goodbye Christy.

Goodbye Cruel World

Is this the end? I haven't decided yet. I think my life as I know it is over. New book. Time to start over.

Upcoming Summer

I don't know how this summer is going to be. Last year I had so many people to hang out with, but now it is different. My best friend and I are going through a rough patch. I told her last night that I want more from her than friendship. She pretty much implied there wasn't a chance in Hades. I respect that decision except I don't think it is true. We've had an ongoing Love Affair since Thanksgiving, but in last couple of weeks she's wanted to stop it cold. I did tell her last night that I want to date her again. So we shall see. She's changed on me for the time being and I don't exactly feel comfortable with this change.
So life presses on. This is my last week if school. I'm excited. I just want to chill. It's been a long time since I've done two full semesters in a row (I think the last time was my senior year in high school.) I'm tired and just want to work through the summer. I do have two weeks of Army in June and 6 days between July and August. Hopefully I will get promoted to Sergeant this year (since I'm actually putting in for it.) I just want to have fun, so we'll see. I think it's gonna be a very laid back summer. Which is ok, but I think I'll get bored. I think I'm gonna take up reading again.
So I think I'm gonna be kinda selfish, because I want what I want. I've been pretty selfless lately and it's getting me nowhere. So, we'll see what happens...

Only Human

So I am only Human. I like everyone else, make mistakes, and I pay for them. Usually I do self-punishment. And I have. For the last 3 days I've been pretty hard on myself for something that I did. I have to live with it. Now it will never happen again. But someone else doesn't know how to react to me. I guess I am totally evil. But I'm not. It's just dumb. I'm Human. It's me, Chris. So, whatever... If you can't get over it, you don't deserve my friendship because I cannot be friends with someone who doesn't trust me.

Why?

Always. When things are going grand, a huge-ass wrench is thrown in the mix. It screws up everything. I'm so sad again. Lord, I beseech thee, grant me true happiness.

I'm Older

So now I'm 24. I'm getting older. But as I've found out, I still have a lot of life left in me. My birthday party was the bomb. It was so much fun. I hope that everyone enjoyed themselves because I sure did. I know the boys were up until 5am playing Halo, I however didn't make it past 2:30. The next day however Christy and I did make it to 4am. Partyin'. We have too much fun together. Hahaha. Is there such a thing as too much fun? I don't think so. So I get to spend this whole week on vacation. With only one day that I have to do stuff. That's it. Finally I get to sit on my butt all day, for the first time in a long time. I love it. No alarms, nothing but fun and pleasure. I'm gonna read all day. Have lunch with my Christy the rest of the week. Get little things done that I need to get done. Work out, tan. Get into a rhythm that I've been seeking the whole semester. Oh yeah, and party at night. Can't forget that part. Hee hee hee. Also, I think everyone needs to check in and let us (me), know how you're doing.

Silence

I sit here,
Night after night,
Drawing a picture of
Something that does not exist.

My pictures are beautiful,
Sitting on the Canvas,
Until the water hits them;
And I realize,
While the paint runs,
It is nothing but a picture...

Then the fear hits,
Striking my heart,
Making me wonder,
If all I'm ever gonna have,
Is just these pictures.

My dark room,
My dreams
My wants and desires;
Are all that I seem to have.

Everytime something tangible
Passes within my grasp,
It always ends up
Being too good to be true.

So what can I do,
About this hurt from within?
Press on and act
Like a person who's soul is gone.