Finding My Diversion

So I'm having a terrible time finding something that will divert my mind off of all the problems that face me. I think I'm gonna have to force myself to workout on a daily basis but I don't know if that's gonna help. None of my movies help, walks don't help and hanging out with Ryan doesn't help because I'm always afraid that he's gonna run off to see Megan and not come back for the rest of the day.

Sundays are definitely the worst because no one can really do anything and so I just get to sit at home and think and generate new problems in my head. It's so not cool. So I have to find a diversion. Or I'm gonna drive myself outta my mind. Maybe I should just move to Hawaii and live on the beach. Ellie wants too, I think it is a good idea. Ryan moves to Vegas and myself to the island of Molokai. The only reason I love the island is because it has an awesome name.

Yikes. I need a Vacation.

Ignore my words. Ryan's feisty today so I have to vent somewhere.

True Love

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

Dear to My Heart

My dearest Kelly, I just want you to be happy.

What it is Yo!

So today was Courtney's Bday slash Farewell party. Yeah, first thing Zac walks in (Courtney's ex) and throws a fit because I'm there.. That was dumb. So he acted all pouty for the next like 5 hours. I hate it. So we did the Boondocks and had some fun. It's a pretty fun place if you can handle all the kids.

So we came back, but Zac was still being dumb and giving me dirty looks and stuff. So I left for a while and went to buy Courtney's first gift from me. I went to Kirkland's for the gift. Talked to Carole and Savanna for a while. Savanna sure cracks me up. She's extremely feisty with me. It's so funny. Then I got a text from Courtney asking me if I was coming back.

So I went back down and watched as the rest of the BBQ was put together. I let Courtney play with my phone for a while. Then the rest of the people came over and we had dinner. As soon as dinner was over practically everybody split. Trhat's when I gave Courtney her Beer Money Bank. Then we sat down and started watching a movie. I was laying pretty close to Courtney on the couch and then Zac started freaking out. Quietly, but enough to upset Courtney. Then he asked her if he could talk to her in private. He then proceeded to tell her that he's super jealous and didn't like it, when not two hours before he had his arm around her and she was laying on him on the couch right in front of me. Such a damn hipocrite. Now it is approaching the hour of her birthday. That's right the last day of July.

Happy 18th Birthday Courtney.

Oh Dear...

So Ryan, Christy, and I went up to see Katie, Christy's sister. Ryan and Katie had a huge fight about 5 months ago and didn't speak to each other until a couple of days ago. So we went up to Layton to see her. Before we got to her house I noticed the Air Force Base, so we went on base because I wanted to see if I could find a certain type of Liquor that they don't sell in Utah. Unfortunately I couldn't find it. But before we could get on the base we had to get Honeyman's Jeep a temporary pass. Yeah, if you want to get on a base, you need a military boy, current registration, and proof of insurance. Ryan did not have a current insirance card. So he had to call State Farm and have them fax a copy of his insirance. Always keep the card in your car, you never know when you'll need it.

So we went and played with Katie. We took a tour of her apartment and then we sat and talked for awhile, I caught up with Christy and her boy toy situation. Then we went bowling. None of us broke a hundred. Ryan and I were pretty crazy. Then we went back, talked for a little while. Now we're on the road home. Yay. Tomorrow's friday. I have two crazy days ahead of me. I can't wait till sunday when I can sleep all day. Wait. It's Courtney's birthday. Looks like I'm screwed until the 15th.

Self-Improvement

I am going through a self-improvement phase. I've started working out again, I'm watching what I eat, improving my living area (this year I'm moving out to improve my surroundings), and I'm buying a new car. I want to have another year of school under me by this time next year and to have had an awesome year. Financial success would be nice too, but that'll have to wait for another year.

Hopeless

I am so pathetic. I meet a girl and then suddenly I'm infatuated. Megan said "now you have 4." Jayna. She's fun. Only got to spend one night with her so far, but she's intoxicating. The funny part is that Ryan was talking about me one night to her and she wanted to meet me. The next night I was there to see the show. Ryan pointed me out to her while he was on stage, she said "He's cute!" and Ryan started laughing on stage. I met her later and I guess she noticed the way I looked at her. Then Friday night we went over to her house. She flirted with me and I flirted back and needless to say, by the end of the night we were making out, just like Ryan and Megan. She's fun and a girl that I could really like. So we'll see what happens.

I know, I'm hopeless. Ryan says I need to settle down. I just laugh at him, because, I still don't know what I want. Hahaha.

Just smile and be happy.

Kelly

Sorry that you're dealing with this stupid relationship stuff at this time. My heart goes out to you. If you need anymore help, let me know. (Whatever help I gave you)

Zelda

One of the coolest games of all time has to be Zelda: The Ocarina of Time. I'm here at Megan's House watching Ryan attempt to play Zelda. He screams everytime something surprises him in the game. It's so hilarious. He's so funny. Watching these girls play is so much fun.

So let me tell you about my drama this morning. I was sitting out front at work because Savanna was out there all alone. We were chatting and laughing about stupid stuff and Courtney walked in. She had such a scowl on her face. Both Savanna and I looked at each other. I had no idea. But after a little while I realized it. During the shipment she was as sweet as can be but as soon as we were back in the store she went cold on me. I did most of my work out front because it felt like a hostile work environment. V finally told me that it was completely dumb.

After Savanna left Courtney was fine... Aaargh, totally aggrevating. So Ryan and I went and got all the information for Parkway Crossing today. We decided that was the place when two hot girls in bikinis walked out of the pool. We knew that we could not turn that down. Our fate is sealed.

The Money Path

Kelly's back. Ellie's leaving. Sheesh. Well this week is pretty exciting for me. On Thursday I'm eligible for my $15,000 re-enlistment bonus. Oooh, I can't wait. That Mustang is calling to me. They are so pretty. Everybody has been giving me their opinions, so we'll see what I actually come out with. I have 3 final colors picked out. Olive Green, Midnight Blue, or Charcoal. I want it to be a manual (helps eliminate the amount of people who'll want to drive). Don't know whether or not I want a convertible. I want an V-8 GT.

This fall I want to move out to Parkway Crossing. Just to get out from under people and it would be very interesting. I'm just afraid I'm gonna turn into a party animal. But that's a risk I'm willing to take!!! HA. I better have my Sidekick back by then... I miss it so much. I never realized how attached I got to it. I had it for 34 days. I have haven't had it for 7 days. And it's killing me. I kinda want to move out so I'm not under anyone's thumb. But I do have plenty of freedom here at my dad's. I just miss being my own person, not having to tell someone where I am so they don't worry about me. Everybody better come and play with Ryan and I. Especially you Kelly. None of those "But I live in Springville" excuses. Both Ryan and I love to drive, so there is no reason to feel bad. Everybody come and play.

Well, I'm losing my train of thought, so I think I'll finish it. Talk to you guys later. Have fun in my future home Ellie.

Living Today

Well, it's been awhile and I was a mess the last posting, but it's all good now. Shortly after I posted my last blog on Sunday, Courtney called me and we discussed things. We're good now. I was just severely disappointed because I missed her and she didn't want to see me. But then she came to my house the next day and we visited. So we're good.

Okay the stressful news first. I broke my Sidekick yesterday. Oh, that sucked. Then I called T-Mobile and they informed me that I had cancelled my equipment insurance. WRONG!!! I did no such thing. So I called the insurance company and we discussed it and they fixed it for me. They reinstated my insurance and are going to send me a new phone. Soon I hope. I didn't realize how attached I got to that phone. I love it. Now I'm without it, and I miss it.

So today I texted Savanna and asked her out. Unfortunately she couldn't go with me tomorrow, but she called me later and said that we need to go do something another day. She seemed kinda excited about it. I thought it was funny. Especially since she had a pretty weak excuse for calling me. I had given her the days and hours she worked next week and she asked me specifically what days they were. But I had already given her the days and they weren't easily mistaken. So it was kinda cute. I look forward to going out with her. She is a very fun person.

So I'll talk to you guys later. I have a full weekend ahead of me.

Crushed

I am nearly in tears at this moment. Courtney has come back from St. George and doesn't want to see me. My best friend Christy is off playing with a boy that she met on Friday and now has a crush on and Savanna is down in Emery not even knowing that I have a crush on her. Here I am, all alone in my little world on a Sunday night. It makes me sad.

As Chris Money I am supposed to maintain a high level of pride, and discipline and not care when people use me. Normally I don't but today I felt used by Courtney and Christy. When they're low, I'm there for them, but when I'm low they are nowhere to be seen. Sure Christy is there sometimes, but not tonight. She was too busy enjoying hanging out with Ben. It makes me feel boring and insignificant. Just because I'm not full of money and ideas at all times. I'm sorry that I can be that way. But I'm not larger than life. I'm only me.

What can I do to make people like me for what I have. It's times like these where I wish I was back in Baghdad, so I don't have to worry about filling up my time with friends and being lonely. I always had something to do and didn't feel useless or friendless. Everybody loved me more when I was over there because I was an idea, not an actual person. But now I'm nobody and nobody could give two shits about me. I miss having so much attention on me but I would never admit that. I feel like now I have to pay back everybody for all the favors they did for me. I feel like I'm indebted until I go back again. I think that's another reason I joined up again, so I felt like people could appreciate me. Without the Army, I mean nothing. Courtney said she didn't want to pursue a relationship with me because I'm in the army and she didn't want to lose me. It crushed me. She will never have a relationship with me because she doesn't want to take the chance of losing me.

How about this. People think that I'm a slobbering drunk. I drink at most twice a week. At most. I rarely drink during the week and I don't drink during the school year. I partake yes, but it helps keep me relaxed and calm. It brings everything back into proper perspective for me when I become an unbearable prick. I'm sorry, but at this moment in time it helps in easing my PTSD. Yes, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I will admit it. I have this supreme fear of being alone now. It was a minor fear before but now it's amplified. And tonight I have felt so alone and it's been tearing me apart. I try to deal with it, but I can't. It's truly unbearable at this moment in time. I just want to go back to Iraq, where I was never alone...

Reunion

Wow. I went to my 5 year high school reunion last night. It was interesting to see how many people were married and were having kids or were gonna have kids. All the former cheerleaders were all married. It was kinda disappointing. Some of them didn't do to well with maintaining their figures over the years, but some of them did a superb job. We played volleyball for a little while, which was pretty fun. I gotta remember to not hustle as much as I do sometimes or I'm gonna get hurt. I can't move like I used too. We got to listen to some of the alumni play instruments like they used to back when we were in school. It was cool and fun. I really started to miss the days of being in High School. Such simple times. No worries in the world except to pass the class.

Oh I miss those days

So Sad...

I didn't get to go to St. George this weekend. I was going to, but because my car isn't legal and not in the best shape. I wanted to go see Courtney so bad, but I didn't. Disappointed...

Too Busy...

What the heck!!! Everybody is soooo busy. I don't know what to do. I am so bored. I do get to look forward a night of St. George this weekend with my beloved Courtney. I wish I could stay all weekend, but I have to come back up for my 5 year reunion on Saturday. I can't believe that I've been out of High School for 5 years. It's amazing. Now I get to go see if anybody has done anything in the last 5 years of their life. I made a lot of enemies in high school, so at least I can tell them that I spent 16 months of my life fighting for my country. Let's see them heckle me for that (except the ones who are hard-headed and completely anti-war.)

After that, my weekend doesn't have that much meaning. I'm starting to be eager to go back to school. I want to go back to school, really bad. It's gonna be fun. At least I'll be occupied and never bored. And when I go to school the VA pays me $788 a month. That will be so nice. I can pay for my new car (coming so soon ladies and gentleman) and perhaps an apartment. Oooh I can't wait for that. Between my school and work, I'll have some pretty good money.

Hehehe... Stop me now...

Freedom!

Well I had a fun 4th of July. Except for the fact that my dad busted the driver's side window out of my car. That kinda sucked. Now I have to order a new window along with a door handle. Ughh...

I lit off plenty of fireworks last night. Between me and my brother, we had the most as far as I can remember. I had a lot of the fun stuff from last year. So we fired off a lot of stuff. Everything from mortars to bottle rockets to flowers. The little tricks to the bottle rockets (because half of them were duds) was to stick a flashing strobe down our launching pipe, then drop a handful of rockets down the pipe. The ones that would light, fired off, the rest just sat there. We had fun and put on quite a show. We were told to stop, so Christy and I took them over to a church and we finished off all of the big stuff. It was quite cool. How about that?

Anyone else try to blow themselves up last night?

Summer Fun

4th of July weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the whole year. People decide to actually start having fun and include me in on it. Partied on Friday, Saturday I went to the fireworks show up at the U and today I went out skiing with my uncle. I didn't get around to skiing because I went tubing first and during my second run I got ejected from the tube and slammed into the water face first. It hurt my neck pretty bad so I'm laid out at my Grandma's with a heat pack on my neck. It's sending a dull pain through my entire head.

I hate fighting with girls, especially when I don't know what I did for them to not be nice to me. Sometimes I do something and I don't even realize it, but I have done nothing. I am certain of it, and if I had, it was something so trivial that it's dumb that she'd be upset. I get tired of my behavior being held to these standards that these girls don't even follow. It's not even with people I'm dating, that's what infuriates me the most.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Pretty Fireworks

So I went to Rice-Eccles Stadium for the substitute 4th of July celebration. It was interesting. It wouldn't have been worth it if Kelly Clarkson hadn't performed. Her performance definitely made it worth the $35 I payed. She's a very good singer. I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I did. Ryan kept everyone else around us entertained with his normal antics. I myself was chewing on my program because that girl has gotten quite hot over the past couple of years. Mmm... She was yummy. The fireworks at the end were kind of disappointing. They went and then all of a sudden they just stopped. For a half an hour we waited for the fireworks to start back up. Damn Computers. But it was a pretty good finale. I enjoyed my night. We had fun. So many hot girls up there. It makes me want to go to the U just for fun.

Well I'm sitting here on a dock in the middle of Utah Lake and I'm gonna watch my cousin try to ski, so I'm outie...

Wow!!!

Last night I went to a party over at my aunt's friends house. Omigosh, it was fun. I got kinda tipsy (drank half a bottle of Rum, and quarter of a bottle of Vodka) and we were playing shuffleboard and pool. It was pretty interesting. Now today we go to Kelly Clarkson and hopefully a pretty good fireworks show. I'm hoping. I never know anymore.

My fingers are crossed.