This is my problem. I felt genuinely offended when you said that "i'm glad you and satan are getting along so well. at least you have a friend!" I have never had anyone accuse me of walking hand in hand with the dark one. You've got to realize I watch the dark stuff like a hawk. Because I'm scared to death of it. Both sets of my grandparents were deep in religion and all of their kids rebelled and renounced their faiths. So all of us grandkids were left in hiatus while young. My mother jumped religions constantly, so I got an open look at the whole world. I've studied religion since I was young and have an excellent idea of what I believe in. Then my mother went staunch catholic and it's been awkward for me since. So I'm very skeptical when it comes to religion. Don't take offense that I question the prophet, it's only natural for me. My faith is rock-solid, my faith in religion is not. These are a few of the many reasons that I do not attend church. Right now I feel like I am on the ocean, during a Cat 5 Hurricane. I'm not whole, I'm incomplete. I feel that if I go to church, then I'm fake. Just like a lot of the people who go to chuch because it is "the thing to do" on Sunday. And if I am with those people, then I just feel worse. I am drifting and I am just preparing myself for my return to Iraq. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I will be returning. The only way that I won't is if I am medically unable to go, and then I might as well be dead.
Back to my apology. I am sorry. I never wanted to offend you, I never wanted to upset you. I'm sorry that I'm so belligerent towards religion, but it is me. Don't take it personally. In the darkest of arenas is where I shine the brightest. And right now, I'm invisible. It hurts. And I feel hollow. My apologies. You are very good person and I know this. So I will stay away from you, because I fear that all I can do is harm you.
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