Tuesday, September 06, 2005

My Headache

Oh, I hate being approached and lectured on matters of faith. This is what frustrates me about Utah, being judged. I believe in the LDS faith, but I do have differences of opinion. I believe that no man is infallible, even the living prophet. Men warp the Word of God. It has been proven since the beginning of time. My belief is that what is said is guidelines. Divine Law is in your heart. If you cross it, then you will know. At least that is how it is for me. I have been indoctrinated with Catholicism and Mormonism since I can remember. I read the Book of Mormon when I was 7 and the Bible when I was 9. And even my interpretations may be off, but I cannot help believing what I believe. It is in my heart and if it were to change, then I feel like I'm betraying myself. My life is defined by constants. Divine Law is not fluid and changing, it is what it is. The Savior has not come back to update it. But as humanity evolves, our leaders try to tell us the best way to deal with the new issues, but it is not necessarily Divine Law. This is where I had my biggest problems with Catholicism, it has changed so much over time, that it isn't even the same as it was. Men warped it. It is trying to return to the way it was, but corruption runs so deep, that I could not believe a word that was being said. My faith was destroyed, so I ran off of what I thought, and did what I thought was right. Then I found the LDS faith and it was so close to what I believed in. But when I came back to Utah, I had so many people telling me how to run my life and all the things that were wrong with my life that it made me cringe. I dealt with it for a while, but when I came back from Iraq and the same things were starting up again, I went inactive. There was no way that I was gonna deal with that right as I got back, after being mega-stressed for over a year.

So here I am, inactive. And it's gonna be a while before I go active again. I have so many things that I have to work out with myself. I have so much work to do. And I don't have time to deal with people who think they know how to run my life better than I do. Cuz dammit, I'm doing the best I can.

1 comment:

Megan said...

that sucks that people try to tell you what you should do. usually when i talk about that kind of thing it is more like a political debate, both people presenting their opinions and listening to what the other person has to say. i like hearing different opinions from other people, but i never judge them for what they think, even if i disagree. sometimes i don't understand what they beleive. the worst is that usually people in your case wont listen to what others have to say, even though they are willing to listen to you.